I Can't Smell The Roses: And other sad tales of busy writers

     Last week I had the honor of revealing to you my book cover and  the podcast of my very first interview as an author! I'm sure you were as excited as I was right!? Right!?.......okay maybe not. But you were probably pretty close! But as I re-read and re-looked (is that grammatically correct? Do I care? I feel like I don't care.) at my previous post something became glaringly obvious to me.

I can't smell the roses. 

      I've been so busy getting the book trailer ready, talking to other authors, lining up blog tours and author interviews, writing, and trying to come up with a fun and funny booktube video, that I've been unable to appreciate and enjoy the things happening to me. To be fair, it's hard to enjoy things when you're stressed out, but still. I can't enjoy to the fullest all of these little milestones of author-dome. Why, you ask? Because I've got too much to do.

Please excuse me while I cry into my wine glass

      A friend recently told me to enjoy the things coming my way, and appreciate all of these 'firsts'. In fact, I also recall reading an author's blog article a couple of months ago saying the same thing. That when you get picked up to enjoy all the things like signing your first book, getting your first interview, seeing your first book cover, etc because you'll never have that feeling again. I recall the first few minutes (okay hours) of elation and then it was right back to stressing. Stressing over all the little things and my mind screaming at me to start really tackling everything.

      I don't have time to appreciate the small moments. But I also realize that some of the small moments passed me by because I was stressing about them--not enjoying them. I also found that what I thought would be a marker and indication of having 'made it' didn't feel like I had. Instead I've felt like I'm so very far behind and not doing anything right or well enough.

That goal that I thought was the finish line turned out not to be and some loser just moved the actual finish line a good 100 feet away.

       

       Every time I think "you know, I did it! I got picked up! My books getting published and I'm closer to bringing awesome Irish mythology back!" I then realize that it's never going to happen if I don't start doing promotion and million other things that I hadn't thought of or expected to do. Are they fun things? Mostly! But they're things that also slightly stress me out and make me realize that I don't know as much as I think I do. And that things I thought would mean "you made it" don't feel that way. And it has me wondering:

Is it always going to feel like this?

       Because if so, that sucks. I don't feel euphoric and smart and savvy. I feel inept and like I'm falling behind. I long for the day I get to sign a book and NOT be stressed about it. But I don't know if that'll ever happen, honestly. Is this normal? Is it normal for authors who get picked up to feel more stressed than excited? To feel more overwhelmed than confident? 

      I'm trying my best to enjoy things. I have moments. For instance I get a really stupid grin on my face whenever some one asks me what I do and I get to say "My books getting published" and "I'm an author". For a brief moment my adrenaline kicks in and I feel super super happy, but overall it doesn't feel quite real or as major and massive as I thought it would feel. Is that weird? I feel like it is. I can't smell the roses or have my cake and eat it too. And I really really want to.

      In the mean time I'll anxiously wait for October 31st, when my book trailer comes out. Supposedly. I'm really really excited and proud of it. It was a labor of love and dedication and just incredible amounts of talent. I don't even know how I pulled it off or got lucky enough to have such talented friends. But boy do I! Now excuse me, I have a glass of wine calling my name and Hawaiian music begging me to take a bath. And as they say in those wonderful black and white films: